When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
