I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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