let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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