The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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