bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize