Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ok first of all what the fuck
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
