New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
