why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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