wat bout pragnant strippers??
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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