btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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