Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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