Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
