Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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