So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
