Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
