that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
