woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
