And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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