Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
