i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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