So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
