ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
