Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
