dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
