I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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