There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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