Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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