he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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