youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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