I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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