god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
