It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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