you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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