I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
