So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
