ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
