no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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