the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I AM VODKA MAN
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
