this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.