hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
smell my finger.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
