If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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