By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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