You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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