Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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