remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
