i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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