Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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