this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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