so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
