you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
