So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
