Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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