while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
