I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
