Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
