Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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