I think my vagina is haunted
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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