I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Please don't give away my fajitas
I currently don't understand fingers.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
