that's an acceptable place to lick
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
