In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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