so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
