I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
