just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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