the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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