Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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