Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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