In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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