There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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