Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
