I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
