I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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