I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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