I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
