You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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