You smell like stripper and shame
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have aggressive nipples.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
