A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
