The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
God, I missed his penis.
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