Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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