Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
