Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
