youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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