It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
