alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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