I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
